I’m sure you’ve all seen the latest Facebook privacy scare meme flying around today. No fewer than twenty of my “friends” felt the need to “protect” their considerable intellectual property by posting the aforementioned copyright notice on their Facebook page. It just goes to prove that there is an IP attorney lurking inside all of us. In response to the frenzy of hastily posted legalese, I drafted my own satirical “notice” to Facebook and those who fear the great social giant. Enjoy…

In response to the new Facebook guidelines I, LaMonte M. Fowler, hereby declare that my copyright has no meaning whatsoever to a gigantic public company like Facebook. Since I freely entered into the social media craze of my own free will, and further, have no expectations of privacy on a website whose very purpose for existing is to help me broadcast personal details about my life, my family, my friends, people I don’t even know but somehow feel compelled to talk about, and pictures of my kids, I hold Facebook, its officers and peons alike, harmless for any content I may be exposed to including, but not limited to: pictures of cats and kittens, the vulgar rantings of someone’s Uncle Harry, drunk postings by old college friends, rambling romantic teen puff, links to diet aids and male enhancement remedies, long diatribes on conspiracy theories, and pictures of any Kardashian sister in a thong. Further, I promise to use Facebook as a way to bore my friends, embarrass my family members, spy on my children, and waste precious time that could be better spent staring at a wall.

Facebook is now an open capital entity. All members are recommended to CHILL THE HELL OUT and realize that YOU have VOLUNTARILY opened the front door of your house and WELCOMED the world to come rummage through your closets and dresser drawers. If you don’t like it, or if you are worried about your privacy or Facebook stealing your “copyrighted” (I can’t even type it without laughing) material, then I suggest you hop in your minivan, drive over to Michael’s and spend a few hundred bucks on a scrapbooking kit. It’s safer and you don’t have to worry about anybody wanting to look at your creation.

Keep smiling and be afraid.

PS. Your tinfoil hat is on backward.

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